I am a psychology major and I have recently come across something that has helped me understand well the journey I have been on the past few years. It is called THE CINDERELLA COMPLEX by Colette Dowling. This theory focuses mostly on the concept of women’s emotional, financial and a wide range of dependency on men, and to an extent, I can relate to this.
Let’s forget the gender thing here and focus on the truth that we all or some of us know. I’m sorry if I am about to get stereotypical, but this problem is common with Bottoms in the gay community; it doesn’t mean Tops don’t suffer it too. Basically because at one point or the other, one might have gone through series of trying times in failed relationships, whether sexual or not, only to come out feeling the need or want to be pampered and all (Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be pampered or treated like you mean the word to someone). Attention from a loved one makes you feel special, gives you a sense of completeness. You are always seeking for approval to give you a sense of self-worth. Some of my friends would always say, ‘Why not generate it internally?’ (Sounds easy, but it’s not). A lot of people in the gayborhood experience this; it’s a feeling that doesn’t easily go away. It sits there and eats you deep slowly.
I won’t try to make up excuses knowing that I am guilty of this. I have had my fair share of powerlessness in relationships, I have dated quite a number of guys and they had it all, but there always seemed to be something missing. At the onset of the relationship, they always seemed to say the right things, call at the right time, give the best attention (I would love to call this the honeymoon phase). And then, suddenly they would start to act strange or slowly start to reduce their attention with excuses that work and all had them choked. But let me ask a question: Were you not working when you were chasing after him?
Let’s be real, if you are reading this and you feel like you don’t need anyone, then I am sorry to burst your bubble. Everyone needs someone. You only think that because you haven’t found that person who would tear through your reservations and come right into you as though they own all of you (no pun intended there). No matter the sexuality you identify with, one thing is sure, the hunger for affection, care and attention is real. No matter how strong a person you are or how satisfied you are with yourself and your achievements at a point, there will always be room for a better half, a hollowness sitting in your heart, waiting to be filled.
I am not afraid to seek attention from someone I care about. If I feel it, I say it. And if I miss it, I demand it. And if it’s too much to ask, then begs the question, what we are doing.
It wouldn’t hurt to be emotionally dependent on yourself. To those who have attained this, I say kudos to you. To those of you who are still finding their way, keep pushing. And to those who don’t even want to think of the possibilities of letting go of their Cinderella complexities, I say more grease to ya elbow. Just know one thing, if someone isn’t treating you right, you shouldn’t have to put up with it, because life is way too short to remain in that which does not make you happy.
As written by Mr X for Kitodairy blog