It all happened on one of those hot harmattan nights, when I sat with my friend Oge at her off campus apartment eating some suya whilst drinking Don Simon. We were talking relationship woes, following my bad breakup with my then boyfriend, Nnamdi, and I desperately needed someone to talk to and Oge being my friend and close confidant for the past six years had offered, not only her ear, but the comfort of her home food and drink...
‘So what happened?’ she questioned.
‘Same old…I think he’s having an affair with someone else,’
‘You think or you’re sure?’ Her eyes narrowed, making me cringe, and I didn’t want to sound like a woman who just jumped to conclusions.
I think…well…I saw a text messages’, I sighed. Oge sipped her drink, lost in thoughts as I wondered whether I could confess about the real problem. I had fear of intimacy. In fact, Nnamdi failed to turn me on. I enjoyed intimacy, no doubt about that, but I loved it only when I touched myself.
‘That guy…’ she muttered angrily. ‘I think you should give him a piece of your mind.’
‘It’s entirely not his fault…’ I began, staring at my friend who had stood by side through thick and thin. I’d decided never to tell anyone about my problems, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Moreover, I hoped Oge would understand and wouldn’t judge me.
‘Don’t blame yourself Chika. I –’
‘No I’m not blaming myself. It’s just…hard to explain,’ I sighed. ‘I don’t know what the problem is but I just don’t get turned on with him,’
Oge I had health issues. Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked away, but she came closer to me and hugged me, trying to comfort me. I clung to her as though my life depended on it and began to sob, uncontrollably.
‘Talk to me,’ she said, in a calm voice. I struggled to control the bile rising up my throat. I was experiencing a mixture of emotions I’d never felt before. Embarrassed that I had acted like a child, I released my hold on her, but strangely I had felt calm when she’d held me. Oge held out a tissue for me and I meekly accepted, struggling to get a hold of myself.
‘This isn’t the first time it’s happening…My past relationships…It was the same problem there too. I thought that it was a complication from his end, but surely after I’ve broken up with three different men, I think the problem lies within me. Who would want a woman who just doesn’t get aroused?’
‘Why didn’t you tell me all this earlier?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
‘I was really embarrassed. I only…I…I only get satisfied when…