Good day. I’ve recently become a frequent peruser of this fun virtual community and I have to say, coming on here has seamlessly weaved into my daily routine.
Fat guys are like the red-headed stepchildren of the gay community. Of course, a majority of us love washboard abs, bulging pecs, whipcord… Ok, you get my drift. So it’s almost an anomaly with fat guys as they have none of these so-desired attributes. Ideally, they could have a very handsome face we could live on. And then, there are the ones with bubbly personalities and witty retorts we enjoy on a platonic level. All well and good.
What I however have an issue with is the militarized, unfeeling comments I keep seeing concerning weight. Once a guy is fat, everyone around him becomes an instant dietician and commando trainer. I’ll summarize two typical comments I kept picking up on:
“If you stop eating so much, you’d lose weight.”
You don’t say. Here I was thinking the secret to weight loss is gorging three pizzas and a litre of coke in one sitting. You must be a doctor…no, you must be Aristotle to have come up with this ingenious method of weight loss. In fact, if you’re intelligent enough to come up with this brilliance, your next stop should be to find the cure for AIDS. Sorry if I sound sarcastic, but this is exactly what I think when I hear such. No one is over a certain BMI level and oblivious to it. Your statement readily implies that the person eats too much. How do you know this? Do you know what that person is putting their self through to shed a few pounds? Do you even know what led to the weight gain in the first place if they hadn’t always been big? No. You just assume they enjoy a burger before bedtime and have been waiting for you, their guiding light, to show them the way. Before you start doling out advice, gauge how well you know this person and when they started adding weight. There’s nothing wrong with you telling a friend, “Guy, o ti put on.” However, it is not your place to constantly announce to strangers how they should stop eating so much in the name of their health and then switch to yelling about not fat-shaming anyone. You sound exactly like a straight bible thumper who will yell at one to stop banging men or face fire and brimstone, but then swear they are not homophobic. Health is relative and you could drop dead for other reasons I’d rather not go into other than being fat, so look and pass. I’m sure the person already has hoards of friends and family members constantly advising him on the “secret” to weight loss.
“I cannot date a guy if he doesn’t maintain the same physique as I do. I don’t even want to be seen on the road with a fat guy.”
Congratulations. I’m sure the fat guy that was just about to hit on you has now turned around and gone home crying. No, actually, not really. It is not that serious. It is great you think so highly of yourself and feel the need to make someone feel they would be missing something fundamental by not being seen on the road with you. I am all for preference, but why be hurtful in voicing this preference? If someone you find unattractive hits on you, it is not a license to show off how rude you can be. Simply say you aren’t interested or walk on by. I remember reading a book where the author said something along the lines of “…it’s one thing to be black, another to be gay, and another to be fat. To be black, gay, and fat however is the true definition of sexual invisibility.”
Sometimes it feels like gay people have been bullied so much by society that they use this kind of mental conditioning to exert their own form of sexual bullying on fat guys. I’m not telling you to go against your preference; I’m just saying there is no need to voice out your dislike for fat guys with so much bile. An instance is when a white person constantly announces how much he hates niggers and thinks his comments doesn’t hurt black people emotionally as its not directed at anyone specifically. These people are going through serious stuff and the last thing they need is to hear how physically undesirable they are to you or to be narrated a full Oprah diet special episode because they dared to say hello.
Was going to go on but it’s 5am and I’m tired. Rant over. Let’s be kind to one another.
Kind regards,
Marc Francis of Chelsea.