Let’s say you meet a guy who’s the total package. He’s everything you want in a man: handsome, genuine and with your sense of humor. After dessert you head back to your place for a second course.
The clothes come off and you wait for him to take control… he doesn’t. You wait for him to throw you on the bed… he doesn’t. You wait for him to grab your body and use it like a dummy… he doesn’t. That’s when it sinks in. You’re both bottoms. Despite his bulging muscles peeking out from under his shirt showing dominating-potential, unfortunately you let your imagination blindfold reality. Again.
As someone who believes balance is the secret to a long-lasting relationship, I think it’s important for it to translate into the bedroom. For many gay guys out there, unless your man is willing to give you what you need, it’s a useless effort. Two bottoms (or two tops) never seem to make it past the second date despite whatever feelings they had for each other. Can two men of the same position last?
It all depends on a man’s commitment. A satisfactory sex life is important in any relationship and to deny this to your man might give him the wrong idea about where you stand. When I’m with a man who’s opposed to trying anything except what he’s comfortable with, it’s easy to see it as a baseline of where his true feelings are.
At the same time, when I’m with someone who’s favorite position is the opposite of mine, it can be a huge relief. It brings us closer together since we’re both fulfilling our sexual needs without having to sacrifice comfort. For gay guys specifically, awkward sex has the potential to bleed into other facets of the relationship.
Let’s get down to specifics here. It’s all about penetration. Two bottoms can have fun without penetration, but most bottoms possess a need to please. For those who get more pleasure from pleasing than receiving, it takes away from the experience when they’re with someone of the same mindset – same can be said the other way around.
Online dating nowadays seems to help us along. I don’t know a single gay guy who doesn’t look at a man’s “sexual position” before they even read his profile. Sadly it’s the deciding factor in most cases. Though I’d like to be the bigger person and say that two men of the same position can live a long and happy life together, in reality, it’s kind of important. But like everything in life, love and commitment have the ability to create a blindside for that sort of thing. Compromise is the cherry on top of a compatible relationship. If you’re not willing to compromise for the person you love, perhaps your love isn’t as strong as you thought.
I’ve known plenty of couples who were the same position when they first got together. Though it was a bit awkward at first, their feelings for each other forced them to jump the hump and discover new boundaries in their sex life. It taught them to be more submissive, more dominant, more connected. In other words, it bonded them.
At the beginning of any relationship, sex steals much of the focus. If ever we have a premonition of bad sex, we’re quick to run the other way instead of getting to know them as a person outside the sheets. Sex seems to be the end all-be all of our compatibility, so can it prevent us from finding true love? If we keep judging ourselves by our positions, I say, yes.
*Musings by Okwudili S.