Sex is something we all think about. It’s built in our genes to fuel our desires, and in many ways it helps us to reach what we want to achieve. It’s human instinct to manifest ourselves inside a sexual microscope – everything we do has a little bit of sexual influence.
Gay guys especially, because we’re men, are naturally prone to sexualizing our interactions with each other, which is why most of us waste no time in jumping the gun on the first date. But is it the smartest thing to do?
Somehow, gay guys believe we need to have sex in order to break the ice to “test our compatibility.” We believe that if we don’t have great sex, we’re probably not going to be happy in the relationship long term – can we be anymore illogical?
The mechanics of good sex isn’t difficult. When you’re with a man for a long time, you are always going to train each other and find your rhythms together. But emotions, vulnerability, and overall meaning of sex are what bring couples closer together. These faucets are more complex and much more valuable than the physical act of sex.
Think of it psychologically. You don’t really know someone that well after a first date – you know their hometown, how many siblings they have, common interests you might have figured out, but nothing is truly deep to the core yet. Having sex with him would be empty, and your brain will most likely translate it as another casual encounter. All the emotional buildup that could have happened is replaced with reality. Fantasy and mystery are no longer going to fuel your bond, so what’s left after that?
It’s easy to confuse love and lust. Frankly, they’re both so much alike that no one can blame us. Having sex as if you’re in love confuses the circuits in your brain and actually convinces you that you are in love, which is dangerous. This isn’t real love, but rather real lust. You don’t want to fall in lust before you fall in love because your entire relationship will be a lie. A couple that makes their relationship about sex is always going to breakup when the sex gets boring.
The gay community promotes sex constantly. I’ve fallen for it plenty of times, believe me. It’s much harder to wait for sex than you can imagine, especially when you’ve had so much fun as a young adult. It’s hard to put those habits on the back burner. But as you grow older and wonder why you’re single, why you’ve yet to fall in love, and why you haven’t allowed yourself time to connect with a man, there’s a moment when it hits: Sex was never as important as you thought it to be.
We live in a world with hookup apps. Everyone wants to be instantly gratified and we all have an attention span of about eight seconds. There aren’t many reasons to be patient nowadays. We don’t want to let a relationship build. We want it now. We don’t want to wait and have meaningful sex. We’d rather rush into it and put our empty hearts and hollow souls next to each other to cry, “Yes, I’m in love!”
It’s all a delusion. We’ve all fallen weak to the needs of our body and the expectations of society. When we consistently have sex on the first date, we are proving the culture right. We’re all trained to do it, so why not join the bandwagon?
The truth of the matter is sex should be a result of love, not the welcome mat for it. You can’t expect love to magically blossom after having sex. That’s like expecting to win the lottery after posting it as a Facebook status. You must first allow yourself to be vulnerable, give your bodies the cravings, and treat yourselves to the tension you miss when sex happens instantly. Trust me, it’s not the sex you want. It’s the feelings attached to it. But you’re never going to find them when you have dessert before the entre.