Happy new month. I'm trying to find out the reason this feelings keep on coming. I do nothing but wonder, the origin of it, i tried finding out if am truly gay born as some gays will say, they were born that way...
Well i started having this gay feelings at an early age of 9-10. It began with a friend, who was about the same age with me, sometimes when we played and hung out in a secluded places we would eventually begin touching other. No body corrupted me, no uncle fiddled with me...
We couldn't understand this was homosexuality, neither did we know what was gay then. When my family eventually moved out of that area, i met another guy. In ways i couldn't explain, i noticed w always kept staring at him and having inexplicable likeness for the fellow. I eventually discovered the true definition of homosexuality in my secondary school days. Then the act was committed in secret, with the fear and guilt that it was a sin. Owing to the guilt, i wasn't my self to it even though the feelings were too strong for me. In secondary school i did not do the penetration thingy, but however enjoyed touching or sometimes choking on the "D" of a wiling colleague, all that happened during my secondary school days.
I took an 2 year break trying to figure out what was wrong with my person. In that period, i met a pastor, told him everything and he prayed for me... i fasted, wept and plead with God to take the feelings away, yes i do believe in God, because i was raised that way, but nothing happened. Mind you, some people assume that because i have not had sexual intercourse with a woman, that if i did the feelings will go. So for a year following the 2 year break, i tried to become a ladies man. I was the toast of women in my department and at home during the holidays, yet i felt zilch satisfaction towards them, but rather a hot longing for boys...
I have made peace with myself and so far in journey i have made a mental acceptance that i was born a homosexual... I will be what i was swet out to become, i will achieve and surpass expectations but i will never let stereotypes or my sexuality define me.
*Deinde
